I looked away
then I looked back at you,
You tried to say
the things that you can't undo,
If I had my way
I'd never get over you,
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through.

Make it through the fall,
Make it through it all.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.

You're the only one
I'd be with till the end.
When I come undone
you bring me back again.
Back under the stars,
Back into your arms.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.

Wanna know who you are,
Wanna know where to start,
I wanna know what this means.

Wanna know how you feel,
Wanna know what is real.
I wanna know everything Everything!

I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
I don't wanna talk about it.

And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just wanna sit and stare at you.
I don't wanna talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just wanna cry in front of you.
and I don't wanna talk about it
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
'Cause I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with you,
I'm in love with you.

Well, I'm awake...

And I just scared the hell out of the cat...

*yawn*

Well, I felt like writing, so here I am. Not really sure what to talk about, but I almost always sit down to write that way and things just fall out as I type.

I've been doing really well being raw the last couple of days. I snuck a tiny little Christmas cookie yesterday and found it to be less than fulfilling. I followed that up with a whole pineapple. The pineapple was better.

So I've just been laying in bed watching raw food videos and watering my plants on FairyLand (Facebook App). It's a huge bummer when I don't have to work until 3:45 and I can't find the motivation to do anything beforehand. I know the dishes need to be done. I know I need to prepare some food for break time at work. I have another whole pineapple to eat.... Not that I'm hungry... It's amazing how quickly my body slides back into the raw food regimine after a break. I made raw fudge the other night, which was great, but now I'm out of cashews...

Hunh. Maybe I didn't have as much to say as I thought I would. Blah. Come on, mood! Perk up!


*sigh* Maybe later.


-Unseeliekin

Well I finally seem to be coming out the other side of this upper resperatory infection. I'm definately feeling more like myself now, and I'm starting to get some of my higher range back in my voice, which is good. It's really irritating when my boyfriend pinches, pokes, or tickles me, and I try to react but can't becaue when I try to scream NOTHING comes out. It won't last much longer, though. I tried to scream out tonight and a high-pitched whine came out, so it's a start.

I'm not tired tonight, which is part of why I'm still up. After everything I did today, I thought I'd be more tired by quarter to 2 in the morning, but I'm still buzzing. I didn't even have any coffee like I thought I might. Not sure why I had a craving for it. Normally I can't stand the stuff, but I kept daydreaming about it all the way to work. Fortunately I overlooked the Starbucks coffee drinks in the cooler by lane 5 so I didn't end up getting any. I was kinda pissed off when I realized they were there and I just hadn't looked hard enough. By then, though, it was way too late in the day to be drinking coffee.

I have been on quite the junk food binge again lately, though. My pants are still falling off my ass, but I'm sure I'm not doing my waistline any good by eating sandwiches and ramen. I guess it could be worse. It's not like it was when I was in college and I'd stay up all night eating candy only to wake up and finish the bag first thing in the morning before heading to the dining hall for a 3-course breakfast followed by soft serve icecream on my way out the door. I think I must have had icecream after almost every meal when I was in college, except for some breakfasts. But there were some when I had icecream, I'm sure of it. I guess that's what you do in college when you don't do drugs and fuck everyone on campus that offers. You eat.

I know I'm using bad eating habits lately to soothe myself. As the weather gets colder and the days get shorter, I start to fall into my seasonal emotional hell. I think it probably started a couple of weeks ago, but it's starting to get bad. I don't even want to get into how bad. I had a talk with Arthur about it last night, things I won't admit to doing or thinking about here or to anyone but him. It's hard to open up so much, and I never realized how hard it was, and always has been. I know I've caught myself going on and on about things that are personal in order to distract whoever is digging into me about whatever it is that's going on inside that's really deeply personal that I'm just afraid to talk about. I have always found a way to put the minds and hearts of others who worry about me at ease without having to give too much of myself. I never realized just how destructive that can be until recently. I guess I know what I'm sharing about at my next meeting.

I talked to my brother on the phone today. It was nice, despite being too short a conversation. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever really catch up with all the people I need to catch up with. Whole sections of my life get lost in my personal history book, and my loved ones may never know about them... And the same goes the other way around. Whole chunks of my brother's life are being lost to me simply due to the lack of time and/or ability to communicate. It's not just my brother I'm missing out on either. Other family members and friends just lost in the fray of life... But what more can I do?

I won't be making any travel plans this week even though I had wanted to. My brother said something about a post-Thanksgiving family get-together since we are both making plans to visit out significant others' families, or working this Thanksgiving. I'm not sure if I'm working yet or not, but I kinda figured I would end up doing so. Either way, this post-Thanksgiving family thing sounds like a wonderful plan. I miss Marty and Annessa like crazy. Thank the gods for Facebook giving me quick updates of how everyone is doing and feeling. I guess that cuts back on the whole missing out aspect, but at the same time makes it that much harder to pick up the phone and dial.

Seems like I'm running out of things to say. Either that or I'm actually starting to get tired. I'm coughing a bunch, and it's getting to be really distracting... I managed to make it through the day without coughing too much, but through this whole thing it seems that night time has been when everything is the worst. I was good most of the day yesterday, but then in as soon as I laid down to go to sleep, I started coughing incessantly, my nose started running, and it just got bad. I woke up in misery. A few good coughs and 10-minutes with my neti-pot and I was feeling great, but it was definitely no fun beforehand.

Well I think I'll pack up this LJ expedition for the night. There's an entry on Laurel K. Hamilton's blog I want to read tonight before I go to bed. Hopefully tonight will be better than last night once I get there.


-Unseeliekin

uıʞǝılǝǝsun-


˙ʇno ʇǝƃ ɹo dn ʇı ʞɔns ˙sƃuılǝǝɟ ʎɯ oʇ ʇɥƃıɹ ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ı ˙lǝǝɟ ı ʍoɥ ƃuılǝǝɟ ɹoɟ ʎɹɹos ǝq oʇ ƃuıoƃ ʇou ɯ’ı `ǝɔuo ɹoɟ puɐ

˙ʎɐʍ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ lǝǝɟ llıʇs ll’ı `punoɹɐ slloɹ ɥʇ0⇂ ɹǝqɯǝɔǝp ǝɯıʇ ǝɥʇ ʎq ʇɐɥʇ ǝɹns ʎʇʇǝɹd ɯ’ı ʇnq `ʇı ʇnoqɐ ʞuıɥʇ oʇ sʞǝǝʍ ǝldnoɔ ɐ ǝʌɐɥ llıʇs ı ssǝnƃ ı ˙ʍɐɹʇs ʇsɐl ǝɥʇ ǝq ʇɥƃıɯ sıɥʇ ʞuıɥʇ ı ʇnq `ʎlısɐǝ ʞɐǝɹq ʇ’uop ı

˙ǝɔɐld ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ uı ɯǝɥʇ dlǝɥ oʇ ƃuıʎɹʇ ɹoɟ ʇıɥs ƃop ǝʞıl ǝɯ ʇɐǝɹʇ puɐ ǝɔɐɟ ʎɯ uı ʞɔɐq ǝɔıʌpɐ ʎɯ ʍoɹɥʇ oʇ ʎluo `ʇouuɐɔ ʎǝɥʇ sɯǝlqoɹd ǝɥʇ ǝlpuɐɥ ɯǝɥʇ dlǝɥ oʇ ǝɯ ƃuıʇɔǝdxǝ puɐ `ʎɐɹɟ ǝɥʇ oʇuı ǝɯ ƃuıƃƃɐɹp `sǝʞɐʇsıɯ ɹıǝɥʇ ɯoɹɟ uɹɐǝl oʇ ǝlqɐ ƃuıǝq ʇou ǝpɐɔǝp ɐ uɐɥʇ ǝɹoɯ ɹoɟ uʍouʞ ǝʌ’ı ǝldoǝd ɟo pǝɹıʇ ɯ’ı `ɥƃnoɥʇ `sı ɹǝʇʇɐɯ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɥʇnɹʇ ǝɥʇ ˙ʇǝʎ pǝpıɔǝp ʇ’uǝʌɐɥ ı ˙ʇɔɐǝɹ ʇou ɹo …ʇɔɐǝɹ oʇ ʍoɥ ʇno ǝɹnƃıɟ oʇ ƃuıʎɹʇ llıʇs ɯɐ ı puɐ `ɹɐǝɥ oʇ ʎddɐɥ ʎɹǝʌ ʇ,usɐʍ ı ʇɐɥʇ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos pɹɐǝɥ ı ʎɐpoʇ ˙ǝldoǝd oʇ sǝop ʇı ʇɐɥʍ sǝop ǝsɹǝʌıun ǝɥʇ ʎɥʍ ǝɹns ʇou ɯ,ı

Aries - Someone new challenges your position or your authority, and while it's a minor irritation, it shouldn't rise to a more serious threat level. Just keep doing what you're doing and wait them out.

Sounds like work will be interesting today!


-Unseeliekin

I can't keep doing this to myself.  Raw for 25 days, cooked for 10, up 10 lbs.  There just doesn't seem to be a way for me to have 1 cooked meal without going overboard. I can't just have one cookie, I have to have half the box... It really is amazing how addictive all those processed foods and additives are. I keep telling myself, "I'll just have this one last cookie/sandwich/meal and be back to apples and salad," and then I eat a pie. Not literally, but I do go overboard. I wonder if it would help to put it in writing.

I will have lunch at Panera Bread with Arthur today (because it's a special day/trip), and then I will go back to being raw TONIGHT.

I never helps to say, "oh I'll do it tomorrow." Tomorrow may be a new day, but when I start my JFTs (just for todays) over again, I don't wait until tomorrow, and I don't think I should with my eating plan either.

I also have to realize that just because I ate a cookie, I don't have the excuse of "well, I blew it anyway, I may as well have (cooked) dinner..."

No more.

A cookies is a cookie.

Dinner is dinner.

Neither one should turn into a 10-day binge on cooked junk.

It feels fun and naughty at the time, but when I stepped on the scale this morning, I was not happy with myself. All the cookies in the world don't make up for that feeling.

Ought to have that last phrase tattooed on my forehead.


-Unseeliekin

Busy. I have been a very busy girl lately.

I'm sitting at the local book store at the moment just chilling until Arthur gets out of work. Such is my existence lately, what with being carless and all. The bookstore is a nice quiet place, so it's got that going for it. I may actually be able to get some writing done here. What better place, right?

I had a dream last night that could have been the start of a really amazing story. I'll have to get some of it down before the memories fade. That's the problem with writing from dreams. So much of it is already lost by the time I'm awake enough to write it down.

We had some snow on the ground the other day. It was both wonderful and frightening. It just reminds me of how badly I'm going to need a serious vehicle if I'm going to drive myself to work at all this winter... Then again, I don't know how long it will be before I will have a car. I'm fortunate enough to have a boyfriend who loves me enough to take me to work every day, and who is a very experienced driver. He's even teaching me how to drive standard! And yes, this time I think I'll actually succeed. The driving lessons I've had so far have been very good. I'm actually excited about the prospect of being able to drive his car a little. I'll probably get an automatic when I look into getting a car for myself just because someone who knows what he's talking about told me that Subarus are better with automatic transmissions... I'll take his word for it!

Well my computer battery is about to die. Guess I'll have to make this short. Damn book store not letting me plug in. Oh well. Until next time!


-Unseeliekin

It's' futile.

Thinking about it today, and after everything I have discussed with certain people today, I have come to the following conclusion:

There is no point in me trying to urge my friends into the raw food lifestyle. Over and over I have been disappointed, lied to, or mocked behind my back on this subject, and I'm tired of it. If I want raw friends, I'll have to find raw people and forge new friendships.

After all that about buying a blender and making smoothies, I got excited... Thought maybe I'd finally have someone to share this with. Someone close that wasn't just someone I met on a raw food message board who lives in California or Michigan, or gods only know where. I guess I just got excited.

You know, I gave some advice yesterday that maybe I should have been wise enough to remember today: "don't jump to conclusions, or you may find yourself on the wrong side of a cliff's edge."

I gave a vegetarian stranger in the grocery store my "business email" today. She was talking about how she was the only person in her household who was a vegetarian, and how everyone else thinks she's nuts. She mentioned how hard it is for only one person in a whole family to be following a different lifestyle. I sympathized; but I know she won' t write.

They never do.

It's futile...

Maybe holistica@rawfoods.com should become rawloner@rawfoods.com


-Unseeliekin

So I've made my characters on Aion, but the game doesn't open for pre-buyers until tomorrow when I'll be at work. Just something I have to accept, really, but it's annoying nonetheless. I wonder if I'll get bored playing the same 10 levels again since I've already done it once in the last beta. I wonder if I'll like playing a priest more than a mage... Lots of things to wonder about a video game that isn't out yet at midnight after a long day at work.

Oh Aion... I'll get you my pretty....


-Unseeliekin

I'm having a pretty good day today.

I have money in my bank account, gas in my car, my clothes fit (or are getting too big again!), and I'm going to a meeting tonight. I'm also fasting again, even though I wasn't planning to this week. I guess my body has just gotten used to doing it regularly, which is great. I know it's good for me, and I'm glad my body is following suit. I ate too much junk food this week anyway. I need to do something to "clean house" so to speak. I've got to work tomorrow, but not until 3pm, so I'll just start eating again before noon. I made a great smoothie yesterday, so I'm going to see if I can duplicate it.

Well, I'm scampering off. Not sure what I'm going to do yet, but I know that when one is fasting, one should get plenty of sunlight. Guess I'll go outside!


-Unseeliekin

I only opened up the LJ client because I want to write, but I have nothing to write about. Stream of conciousness might help me. Might.

I feel dark tonight. Tired, down, cold, aware and unaware at the same time... Maybe of different things...

The time is getting right to practice magic again. *scratches head* but where do I begin?

I'm seeing those little series of coincidences again. Think of something and it happens; think of someone and there they are, unexpected, but not.

I feel autumn's chill in my bones and the night in my veins and I wonder... When will it come back? I feel like I'm stronger than ever, and weaker than ever at the same time. It's so confusing.

There's that chill running through me again.

We have a ghost in the bathroom. It plays with the radio. One of the new tenants brought it with them. I haven't spoken with it, but I know it's there. Styx knows it's there too. He'll wander off into the bathroom and just stare... Maybe he's not so dense after all.

Unseelie... Maybe always a little mischevious... Or is it something else that makes me that way? My mind, heart, and soul are all in conflict over my spirituality these last few months. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever light the quater candles and sit in the dim stillness amidst flame-cast shadows again.

Then part of me says, "you don't need candles to do magick."

Then part of me says, "but they help."

Maybe I just need to start listening again. I hear whispers in the dark some nights. I hear my grandmother think about me. I hear my father say my name and I whip around expecting to see him standing over my shoulder but he's not really there... Not "really." I hear a certain friend calling to me even though she doubts herself, and doubts her ability. I'll hear her whisper my name and my phone will ring...

I wonder if being away from my Brothers and Sisters in the craft makes me weaker. I wonder if being away from that place of power I used to call my node is making me weaker. In theory I should be able to draw on any nearby, but it seems that the really powerful ones are fewer and farther between than is convenient. I thought that being up here with more wilderness surrounding me, I might be able to find one even stronger than the one in North Springfield, but it seems that place is truly something great.

I type this knowing that most of my LJ friends are okay with the witch-talk, but I wonder what happens when this gets fed over to Facebook. Most people probably won't even read it, I guess. If I want to write something to be read, I'll have to start working on that temple book. That has crossed my mind here and there, and I thought that maybe tonight I might be able to work on it... Then I started getting tired.

Tomorrow is gonna be a me-day mostly. Not enough money to make an impromptu trip to Springfield like I'd hoped. Guess I'll just stay in and meditate. Maybe I'll be able to accomplish something in the solitude. I'll have to make a point not to poke around on my computer aimlessly until half the day is gone like I usually do on my day off if I'm left to my own devices.

Tomorrow I'm gonna do something witchy.


-Unseeliekin

I want to cry and go to bed. Yeah, it's that time again.

Thankfully isn't not as bad as it used to be. I'm still standing, I just don't WANT to be.


-Unseeliekin

Well, I survived the 9:45-8:-45 shift at Shaw's yesterday. What we won't do for money, eh?

So I'm starting my morning with probiotics and tea. Seems my sweetie may have a touch of a cold or something at the moment. I'm hoping to squash that as soon as possible. I know how much he needs to be well for school... And as much as I'd like to, I can't do it for him.

This is just a quick update entry, since I have tea steeping, and a date to play Diablo 2 in "Nightmare Mode" with my sweetie this morning. I really just wanted to brag that I'm down to 149lbs. I feel so much better now. Got another fast scheduled for Wednesday night through Friday morning.

I hope everyone's having a good day!


-Unseeliekin

I figured it would be best to start with water, then tea, then a smoothie with probiotics. I made a little over 4 cups of smoothie, and I'm slowly finishing it up now. I still don't have much interest in actually sitting down and having a meal, but I'm glad to be consuming something heavier than water.

I'm just sitting here in my apartment listening to the filter in the fish tank churn, relaxing, wondering when Arthur will be out of his store meeting. The silence and time to write is pretty nice. That reminds me, I ought to work on copying those Temple entries pretty soon. I feel more and more like writing all the time, I really ought to start doing it. I'm not sure if I'm going to include anything erotic in the book or not, though I suppose it wouldn't hurt too much if I did. I'm also not sure if I'm going to include exact quotes from the entries, or just use the general flow of them to create the story line. For all this time, The Temple has been a fantasy representation of how things are going in my life, and in some cases it was more fun to write a story than to write the facts like a real journal entry. I'm glad I did it that way, though, because I still have the reminders of those events that I can look back on, plus now I have material for potential publication.

I like that.


-Unseeliekin

Well, it's after 11, which means I've consumed nothing but water for the last 24 hours. I know I was going to do tea too, but my body just didn't seem to want it. It's good to "hit the reset button" for a day, so to speak, to start getting those toxins out. I'll probably take some good-quality pro-biotics today, have an apple and some tea. I plan to just eat really lightly today, which is good after a fast. I'd love to have a big salad for dinner, but I don't know if that will be possible. I guess we'll see.

After making it through the 24-hour fast, I'm very much looking forward to doing the full detox program again starting September 23rd. I'll feast on as many nutrients as I can on the 22nd, fast the 23rd (maybe the 24th too), then start the detox program off with an all-raw diet plus the supplemets required to do the program. That should take me until October 25th or so. I'll continue to stay 100% raw until Halloween night, and then I just might go trick-or-treating. Or I might stay raw. Who knows?

Anyway, I'm feeling good today. Arthur and I are going to hit up the farmer's market in Lyndonville later, then go to St. J. for some important banking, and to fetch crickets for Arthur's leopard gecko, Pete.

Well, the raw milk jugs are all rinsed out. Just a few more minutes and I'll be off.

I hope everyone's having as good a day as I am today.


-Unseeliekin

I've given a lot of thought to an indirect suggestion that I recieved a couple months back. "I really liked this entire story. I don't know what else I can say. Do you have a word pad of everything you could send to me?"

So, h0rsewithnoname, I hope you're still interested... I'll be copying all these entries into Word within the next week or so, and I'll send you the document...

And then I'm going to start writing the novel.

Yeah, I said it.

Wish me luck.


-Unseeliekin

It's my day off and I woke at 7am. I don't even wake up ready to be verticle at 7am on a day I work. I tried to crawl back into bed. It's cold, and the cuddling is nice, but I can't seem to get myself interested in sleep. There's too much on my mind, really. I had a terrible day yesterday concerning money. I'm in a very, very bad place right now financially. Will I make rent this month? Will I be able to pay enough on the car? What about gas? Food?

I'm not scheduled to work for the next two days, so I think I'll be sipping tea and not eating. I need to fast anyway, so why not? And if I get called in, well, I'll deal. I could use the extra money anyway. Sure it sucks to have to work a full shift on an empty stomach, but it would also suck not to be able to pay my rent this month. Tightening one's belt isn't supposed to be easy. Thanks, economy. You're about to add one more to the poor house.

I refuse to believe that I was brought up here to this wonderful, happy place where I've never been more emotionally stable, only to have it taken away because of some earthly thing like money. Goddess takes better care of her children than that. Through everything, at least I have my faith.

And in every other way besides financially, I'm stable, happy, loved, and appreciated. The smell of autumn is in the air again today, and the sound of birds chirping is such a pleasant thing. Not to mention the roar of the tea kettle.

I'm quite happy with the taste of the Detox II tea that I posted about before. It's funny how my favorite teas flavor-wise are both some form of detox tea. I wonder if my body is trying to tell me something. I even like it cold.

I can hardly wait for my boyfriend to wake up. Provided I don't get called into work, we'll be beating Diablo II today. That game is just too much fun.

Not much more to write about.

Danu, give me strength... And a couple hundred bucks would be nice too, lol


-Unseeliekin

I smell autumn on the wind again this morning. I'm sure that once the day gets going the heat will burn off the chill of autumn's breath, but right now it's a cool, crisp morning, and I'm thankful for it.

I almost never get to a meeting anymore, but I learned a lot about being thankful in Al-anon. A friend asked me last night what I thought of another person's behavior, and the answer was simple. I told her that in my opinion, based only on my observation and nothing that this person said, this person was not thankful enough.

There are plenty of people who go to meetings and never understand being thankful. There are plenty of people who don't need to go to al-anon and never understand being thankful. I'm not sure what happened in my brain or in my life that made me understand, but I do. I'm thankful for every morning that I wake up, every cup of tea, every work day, every non-workday... It's so strange to have finally developed into this kind of person after being an angsty, angry, secretly dark and fearful person for so long. Maybe it's just part of becoming an adult. I don't know. What I do know is that I"m happy this way.

So last night after I did my last journal entry, I went out to my car and dusted off the Deathnote shoulder bag so that I could switch it over to being my new pocketbook. Not only did everything from my old pocketbook fit, but I've essentially eliminated my need for a separate wallet and cell phone holder. I never realized there were slots for cards and a cell phone in the bag before! I feel so organized.

I also started implementing the other journal I mentioned last night. I put my hours in the upper left-hand corner like I used to, wrote down the tea quote that I posted yesterday, and did some catching up. I put down the weekend we were in Cape Cod, noted which nights we went to strip clubs, which days we hit the beach. Today I put down my weight, pH, and measurements. Maybe I’ll be more careful about what I put in my mouth if I have to write down my weight every few days, and jot down the percentage of my diet that was raw that day. I’m not counting tea as non-raw, as most raw foodists don’t seem to anyway.

I’d love to get out my trampoline and start bouncing. I wonder where I could set it up… I think I lost a good chunk of weight when I used that every day, stayed 100% raw, and didn’t care about anyone else’s expectations for me or my body. It’s hard now that I’ve been told by practically everyone “you lost the weight, now you just need to tone up.” Well shit. It reminds me of this comedian who was joking about how everyone in California is so beautiful, and how it used to be that all you had to do to be “beautiful” was be skinny. Then all of a sudden you had to have muscle tone too. Suggesting she had to starve to get thin, she then says “now I’m all tired and hungry, guess I gotta go work out.” That’s kinda how I feel when someone says that whole “tone-up” thing to me. I feel like I’m finally fine just the way I am, why can’t people leave me alone? I don’t go poking at other people’s bodies and telling them about their imperfections… Then again, maybe I don’t need to…

I think my tea is probably ready. The bag smelled so good, I couldn’t wait to try it. I just wonder how “impure” decaffeinated green tea is. I mean, green tea is supposed to have caffeine in it, and I’m not sure what it takes to remove it. It seems silly to put something in a “detox tea” that would be toxic, but leave it to an American company to sneak toxins into something “healthy.”

*sips* Mmm, it’s good. Reminiscent of something else I used to drink. Can’t remember what now, though.

Arthur and I have been listening to the Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You To Know About book on CD on longer trips in the car recently. I think I could listen to that over and over and never get tired of it. It’s 12 discs, and all the information is so fascinating, and motivating. The author is so passionate about this particular cause, it’s hard not to get angry when you hear that the FDA approves drugs that they know aren’t safe just to make people sick so that someone can invent a new drug to handle the side-effects. I burned with fury listening to him talk about how the food industry puts additives in our foods to make us fat on purpose because fat people need to eat more, so if Americans are fat, they will buy more food. Not to mention the addictive additives they put in there to make people sick, angry, depressed, or anxious when they don’t eat the food.

I guess I should probably get on with my day, take a shower, fold the laundry, do some dishes, etc… It’s just so hard to want to do housework before going to work. I just want to sit here and write. I haven’t felt the words flow so freely in such a long time. I don’t want to deviate from this post, even though it has really become nothing more than a spewing of my random strings of thoughts. That’s what a journal is for, though, isn’t it?

And then I remember that my LiveJournal feeds into my Facebook. Most people only ever post surveys in the “notes” section, so I hope that (if you’ve made it this far) you weren’t expecting to see “20 Questions” or “Getting to Know Each Other” or anything like that. If you’re looking to find out more about me, though, reading the LJ-fed posts will give you a lot more insight than “100 Random Facts.”

On that note, I think I’ll wander off. This post has gotten long enough.


-Unseeliekin

I'm always so tempted to eat when I get home from work at night. I know it's too late, my body should be starting to shut down, but I just want to eat. Maybe it's because it relaxes me. I know I'm not hungry. I guess it's just habit. In any case, I'm having a cup of tea and ignoring the urge to snack.

I keep forgetting that I have some changed I want to make just in my personal habits outside of eating. I want to upgrade my pocketbook to the Deathnote totebag that my brother and his wife got me so I can carry around my Sacred Journey journal. I kept a better schedule when I had that on me all the time, kept better track of my eating habits, my meetings, and the changes that I made in myself over time. Maybe if I had kept track of my weight better like I used to, I wouldn't have gained 20 lbs since March. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself over it, just want to get back on track.

I also ussed to keep quotes or memories in it, and I liked that. I look back on the months that I kept track very well and I see lines from Dexter or from Al-anon, or things that a co-worker, supervisor, or friend said, and I think, "hey, that was really good. Glad I wrote that down." I just looked through the journal a little, and I'm kind of sad that there are 4 months that are practically unused. It's never too late to start over, I guess. If I don't use at least half of it, I can't justify buying another one next year. I guess that means I'd better be using it!

The situation going on between two friends of mine who recently split up is really stressful. I never know what to say to them when they ask about the other, or even if I should say anything at all. I worry about both of them, and both of their children. I know one is only "on the way," but from what her mother tells me, she knows when things are bad because she stops kicking... I think that somehow unborn babies know a lot more, or understand a lot more than we could possibly realize. Apparently she understands stress. I worry about my Godson because he's seperated from both his parents while they straighten this mess out when he SHOULD be with both of them together... How can a 3-year-old understand that mommy and daddy don't live together anymore, and that he can't see mommy or daddy when he wants to? I can't imagine how much it hurts all of them.

On another note, I'm thankful that I have had time to sit down and write today. I've been missing this. *yawn* ooo, sleepy. Heh.

So tomorrow I want to wake up and drink a big cup of tea, not sure what kind yet, have an apple and some nuts, and just relax before work. Maybe I'll get aorud to cleaning out that Deathnote bag so I can actually start using it. It will be nice to be carrying around something bigger to keep extra snacks in too.

Oh, and Shaw's carries that "PURE" bars now, so the next time we do grocery shopping, I have to get a dozen or so of those. I love Larabars, but I've eaten cases upon cases of them, and I need something different. I suppose I should be making my own raw bars by now, but I just never have time. Maybe I should look up some raw "cookie" recipes and see if I can't make a couple of bars with what I have kicking around. I have a dehydrator, I really should use it.

I've passed out some links to good raw food websites recently, and given some advice to a couple women who want to lose some weight and/or have more energy. I really hope they look it up and give it a try. I'll be happy to cheer them on and be supportivee if they'll give it a go. The raw lifestyle really is so much easier than it sounds at first. I say that even though I cave and eat junk now and then, but sometimes I just want to eat candy, and I do, and then I get over it. I always go back to raw in the end because my body knows that it's just better.

And on that note, I think I'll say good night.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.


-Unseeliekin

"Better to be deprived of food for three days, than tea for one." (Ancient Chinese Proverb)

So I don't really like green tea, but I'm thinking about drinking it anyway. Arthur's friend Qui (pronounced "chee") gave us some really good green tea, supposidly from china, and I like it so much, I could drink it all day... So I think I might.

Also, my friend Caitlin mentioned that she feels tons better now that she's drinking a whole pitcher of green tea every day... So why not jump on the bandwagon? Below are some of green tea's reported benefits:

Lowers Cholesterol
Kills Cancer Cells
Inhibits Abnormal Blood-Clotting
Burns Calories
Prevents Arthritis

So... Anyone for tea?


-Unseeliekin